A Brat in the Making | Forum

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hari1941
hari1941 Jul 5

A  Brat in the Making. 

Asked by her boss why she was quitting the job, the newly blessed mother replied she has a job at home, that she has to make a man out of a infant boy. Raising a child, boy or girl, is a full time job of making them responsible citizen. A mother has natural instinct to make it true. 

"Most Indian mothers are grateful when a son is born and indulge them to excess. As the boy grows he remains close to the mother and distant from the father. The end result is that the boy grows up narcissistic and has a week ego. This makes him a bad team player in professional life."

(The above is a gist of a book The inner world :A psychoanalytic study of childhood in India by Sudhir Kakar) 

Well I have not read the book nor do I agree with this conclusion about Indian mother or male child. I read this as a passing reference in a book I am presently reading 

One thing however is true.  Indian mothers do differentiate between a male and female child. The more so if he is the only male child among the children and still more so if he was born after the birth of 3 or 4 daughters. He is not only pampered by the mother but by the sisters and grand mother  also. His needs get priority over everything else. His weaknesses are covered and faults ignored and condoned. He can nit be wrong. He is pampered at every stage till he turns a young man and ready to settle in life. 

This may turn him into a  brat with no respect for others. No wonder there are teens involved in rapes.  Well, how can he be wrong?

This may turn him into an very weak person as he has no faith in himself. He may turn a loser. All his life thus far he was protected, provided and pardoned.

This may make him autocratic in nature one who cannot work in a team or one who cannot trust others. Given some authority he tries to suppress others out of his own sense of insecurity. 

It may turn him mother's boy that may cause rift when he brings an outsider as a wife, depending on his mother for everything. Conversely his mother may feel outsider if he  sides with his wife.

There are many possibilities.  In essence boy or a girl is likely to turn anyone of the above if pampered in childhood. 

Take great care of the child but never ever pamper him or her. One day he/r  will have to face the real world all alone. 

More importantly, help him or her to become a good citizen and a good human being.

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AVRamani
AVRamani Jul 5
In 1938, in Tamilnadu, where all used to want a male child, my mother wanted her first one a girl. I turned up. Somewhat disappointed, she used to dress me like a girl and gave me a name common to both genders in Tamil Nadu. Fortunately two years later my fist sister turned up followed by two more and I was allowed to be a boy. Anyway men were a minority in the house. Just four including my dad one uncle and grandfather. We mostly kept out of the way.
To add insult to injury, in the house opposite there was a girl of my age also called Ramani.
hari1941
hari1941 Jul 6

Quote from AVRamani In 1938, in Tamilnadu, where all used to want a male child, my mother wanted her first one a girl. I turned up. Somewhat disappointed, she used to dress me like a girl and gave me a name common to both genders in Tamil Nadu. Fortunately two years later my fist sister turned up followed by two more and I was allowed to be a boy. Anyway men were a minority in the house. Just four including my dad one uncle and grandfather. We mostly kept out of the way.
To add insult to injury, in the house opposite there was a girl of my age also called Ramani.

hahahhahhahaha  

AVRamani
AVRamani Jul 6

The converse happened in a close relative's family. It was a large joint family. No girls were born for a long time. One girl did appear after a while. One day a lot of the little boys were gathered around this lone member studying her and discussing among themselves.


Finally they turned to an adult nearby and asked: "How does he pee?"

VAS
VAS Jul 6
My dear Cowboy,

 Pampering a son or daughter or any one for that matter will shatter us.Only exception is teen age lover!!!..

 Yes generally boys affection on mother is higher & girls affection on father is greater but both mother & father take it easy.

 Whether son or daughter they must be made to think,act on their own & make them to to anything independentaly.

 When we were are all young girls used to be dependedt or forced to be dependent but now a days majarity of the girls even in rural are independent.

 Now we can say in India general equality far far better but that leads to lot of misunderstanding,quarrel & divorce.

Gone are the days boys parents demanding & commanding while selecting girl for marriage now girls parents are dictating terms & conditions.

 I heard that in many states girls ratio fallen down & boys are finding it difficult to get girl for marriage.

hari1941
hari1941 Jul 7

Quote from VAS My dear Cowboy,

 Pampering a son or daughter or any one for that matter will shatter us.Only exception is teen age lover!!!..

 Yes generally boys affection on mother is higher & girls affection on father is greater but both mother & father take it easy.

 Whether son or daughter they must be made to think,act on their own & make them to to anything independentaly.

 When we were are all young girls used to be dependedt or forced to be dependent but now a days majarity of the girls even in rural are independent.

 Now we can say in India general equality far far better but that leads to lot of misunderstanding,quarrel & divorce.

Gone are the days boys parents demanding & commanding while selecting girl for marriage now girls parents are dictating terms & conditions.

 I heard that in many states girls ratio fallen down & boys are finding it difficult to get girl for marriage.


It sure is a welcome development, at least among educated lot. However the crave for a male child still persists.so does the disparity between male and female child.
shobham
shobham Jul 11
Why only in India?  Most civilizations, races and countries put a premium on boys. 
Babu
Babu Jul 15
So you are Ramani...AVR...